Today, the 24th of December, I consciously place my hands on my keyboard and pound away words as something deep and persistent moves my hands. I write with a sense of knowing that I write not because I want to, but because I must.
I have been away from this blog for a while now as you may have noticed. Some people have asked why I’ve stayed silent for so long and in the next few paragraphs, I would be explaining why. But allow me in the little space of this paragraph to gush over how good it feels to dance around this circle of understanding I’ve been blessed with, to feel the awe of the one who breathes His words in this soul.
This year (2017) has been a year of learning and re-learning, a year of breaking and mending, of falling and rising, a year of growth indeed. I think back to my first post of the year and cannot help but allow a wry smile because somehow, God made do on His Word. He promised a year of growth and oh, did He see that through. So painfully and beautifully.
I learned a lot and at a point, the heaviness of what was unraveling snatched the words from my fingers. At first I thought my not writing was just another bout of laziness-meets-writer’s-block but it took a while for me to figure that it was a whole lot more than that (even though that was definitely part! -__-)
Because it was God.
I didn’t understand it and for several weeks I danced around the same circle with no concrete answers but then, a lot was happening so I just kind of took my attention away from it. And one of the many things that was happening was that God was teaching me to WAIT. This simple but oh-so painful and liberating process began long before I stopped writing but it took a while for my writing to catch on. But eventually it did and then understanding was rising like the first light of dawn.
It began with God telling me to stop writing some things I’d already started, I didn’t listen so He just kuku* blocked me and I was hooked. I called to Him to help me out and He clearly told me “You cannot expect me to finish what I did not start”. It was painful because, my brothers and sisters, I was already loving that series (and I’m sure you did too, don’t lie *wiggles brows).
From then, I started getting snatches of His dealings in my writing but that wasn’t half of it. So I kept on till I finally just allowed Him and decided to wait.
God was teaching me the life of waiting; that for a soul He loves, He takes though the desert where He alone can be its satisfaction (Hosea 2:14). He leads His beloved through the wilderness where all she sees, hears, smells, hears and trusts is HIM. He takes His own to that place where she clings to Him for her every need: provision, instruction, direction, satisfaction, help, words! (etc.)
We live in a world where we have learned to device our own ways, a world that teaches you to hurry up and snatch the largest pie before it disappears, a world where even in the church, we celebrate success based on the world’s standards and don’t pause long enough to hear what God is saying and even when we talk about waiting, it is because we prayed and the answer wasn’t coming. But if we are going to be God’s inhabitation, we cannot live like that! We must have Him at the very core of our existence, we must be His priests indeed! People who are close to His heart and seek to do His pleasure every time! This was how Jesus lived: completely dependent on the Father and it is how we must live too.
It was during this process that God began to sharpen my vision for why He put these words in me. Here, He started to whisper His love and eternal truth in the silence of the night, and He brought water to my soul in this desert as He began to wean me off the arm of flesh.
Abba also showed me that “deep calls unto deep” and so as a writer, I must carry LIFE before I can hope to dispense life to others. So, inasmuch as it is good to be diligent in your writing (very important; for the king’s business requires haste!) but sometimes He will require you to wait and from time to time draw from His wells. This applies to every minister of God and not writers alone. So the world may tell you: Write, Write, Write. But Abba says: Write, Wait, Write, Wait. And sometimes, the writing is in the waiting and the waiting is in the writing! (I hope you can discern).
I love writing, as you probably know but I’ve always written for that – the love of words and the One I love. So when I didn’t feel much like writing, I could stay off. But now, He’s showing me otherwise: that I must write for this – the One I love and the words He gives. So, through the waiting, I am finding the One who my soul is waiting on, I’m mounting up with wings as eagles!
Now I write with reverence.
Now, I write because it draws me close to Him.
Now, I write with a sense of calling and responsibility.
Now I write as a custodian of the sacred thoughts of God.
Now I write with purpose.
“But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power, they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.” (Isaiah 40:31 – AMP)
I’m baack! *does weird jiggles. You missed me, yes? Of course you did. So now that God has released me to write, let’s hope you’ll come around more often. Do subscribe to the blog if you haven’t, so you can get prompt notifications of new posts.
And oh, Merry Christmas! May we gain the end of our faith – the salvation of our souls (Soteria) – for which Christ came.
*kuku – a word used for emphasis that would have no meaning to you if you don’t speak Yoruba. Sorry.
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