I would ask how you are right now but then I hesitate as I realize that would be pointless, because the truth is; you are not fine. I know.
I’m not God or anything but somehow I can see. I see what the others don’t. The forced smile. The heaviness that weighs deep on your heart. A heaviness you cannot even define. I see the look in your eyes. Your grin is wide alright, but your eyes…they remain blank.
You have prayed, yet you didn’t get an answer. At least none you could see. How could you get an answer anyway? When you couldn’t even clearly articulate the burden, but instead dissolved into tears. Or.
Lately, you don’t even bother anymore. What’s the point? He doesn’t seem to get you. You don’t get yourself.
So you continue the charade – fake smiles and jaunty gaits.
You wish you could let it out. Tell someone. Anyone. But no one wants to listen. You are in a crowd, surrounded by a hundred familiar faces. Yet you are alone.
But there was that occasional ‘someone’. That one who would look at you and ask how you were. You didn’t even think, didn’t blink. It was like clockwork.
“I’m fine.” The words rolled off your tongue without consent, instinctively, because you’ve used them so much. So long. They wouldn’t understand.
No one would.
The vortex of emotions roil violently in you as you try to sort the befuddling mix. Tiredness, confusion, frustration, dissatisfaction, regrets and everything in between. You are not sure where to be. You are unsure how to be. And even that which you do know how to be is….just not working.
You scream. But no one hears. No one is listening. You are not fine. Yet they continue the jokes around you. Your answering laugh echoes in the room, ringing with humourlessness. But they don’t get it.
You’re not fine. And all of a sudden, the joke is on you.
The days roll past. You want to stop, halt for a minute and catch your breath. But you are like a rocket. You have been shot into space – no breaks, no stop overs; just shooting in the air. To where, you don’t know but you keep walking.
You are not fine.
Days roll into weeks, weeks into months and still you manage to survive. You are worn and heavy with a pain you cannot define, an emptiness…a coldness, as you stand in the middle of the mess you have made or the lemons life tossed at you.
Some days are good for you, really. But other days are dark and dreary, casting a heavy shadow on even the good days before. While most days are just…days; meaningless dates and numbers. You have come to accept this. Yet there is a little problem. A big one in fact.
You are wrong.
You are not alone. A thousand stars surround you. The sun Son is shining on you. Stop where you are, this is far enough. Pause. Drop your bags. Lay them at His feet. Tell it to Him. And when words aren’t doing it…be still.
He gets it.
He listens. He hears. He answers.
In fact, He wrote a letter to you. You should read it. I’ve read it and I’m telling you, it contains the Truth you need. His very words are there. It is mirror for your soul, sword that separates, light that illuminates, bread for strength…strength for feeble knees. Or.
Jesus calls. Jesus loves.
You will be fine.
You are not alone.
I may not know what you are going through, how big or ‘small’ but there is one who knows. Take it to Him. He waits for you.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28 (NIV)